Your Name is Your Buzzer

By now, all of us have been to a restaurant, coffee bar or smoothie place that asks for your name when you place an order. At first, this seemed like an innocuous trend. A friendly way for each of us to get to know each other a little better. You're not a number at Starbucks, you're a name for gosh sakes!

But, the usefulness of this little practice has outlived its cuteness and it's time for us to say enough is enough.

I was in a new smoothie store not too long ago. The place wasn't very crowded. Let's see there was one, two. . . two of us in the store. Me and a very old man in front of me. The old man was trying to order a smoothie for himself and his grandson. His adult daughter was nearby. After staring at the menu board and trying to figure out what all the symbols and signs were trying to tell him, the old man told the teen boy behind the cash register what he wanted. Then the trouble began:

Teen Boy: What is your name?

Old Man: Huh?

Teen Boy: Your name?

Old Man: (blank stare followed by a desperate look at the menu board followed by a desperate look towards his daughter)

Daughter to Teen Boy: What do you need?

Teen Boy: I need his name for the order.

Daughter: Why do you need his name?

Teen Boy: I have to put a name into the computer or else I can't total the order.

Daughter: Oh, his name is Martin.

About mid-way through this exchange I fantasized about leaping over the counter and stuffing Teen Boy's head into a blender. The poor man is having trouble! Just put any name into the stupid computer and stop the madness, Teen Boy!

Of course, the idea behind getting a name for the order makes sense. Since there will be a lag between the time the order is taken and the time it is served, the server will need to be able to identify who ordered what. Rather than yelling out "Double Orange Mania", the server will call out your name. Since two people may have ordered the same Double Orange Mania but are unlikely to have the same name, this should help avoid confusion. But, the practice of asking for the name and using the name to distribute the orders is cumbersome, unreliable and feels invasive. My wife and I were recently at Panera Bread and witnessed this exchange:

Cashier: "And what is your name please?"

Asian Man: "Excuse me?"

Cashier: "Your name please."

Asian Man: (after conferring with his three Asian companions) Jin Sung

When the food was ready at the far end of the counter, the preparer yells out, "Jim." The Asian customers are standing nearby but don't respond to "Jim" because the name they gave was "Jin". Noticing that "Jim" is not claiming his food, the preparer gets on the microphone and says, "Jim, your order is ready. Jim." Meanwhile, the only men (and therefore the only possible "Jim's") standing near the counter are the Asian guys. For reasons known only to themselves, the preparers do not engage the customers in an actual conversation. Instead, they periodically get on the microphone desperately seeking Jim.

Frankly, I'm surprised that some genius hasn't decided to differentiate their operation by asking for a customer's favorite color. "Order ready for chartreuse. Chartreuse, your order is ready."

Can we please stop with the nonsense and get back to a system that worked perfectly well - numbers? Personally, I'm not offended (and I don't know anyone who is) when a bakery or a busy store asks me to take a number upon entering. In fact, I find comfort in the fact that there is an actual system for identifying which customer belongs to which order. A system which is accurate, easy to use and provides very little room for confusion. A system that wasn't broken and didn't need to be fixed.

So what if the person behind the counter doesn't call me out by name. I'll get over the fact that we aren't likely to become best buddies.